It’s 1 February today. 

Seriously, the first day of the second month of the tenth year of the latest millennium.  That’s not what’s bothering me so much.  I just can’t believe it’s been so long since I last updated my blog.

I’m actually kind of embarrassed.  My apologies to my loyal readers—both of you, I feel bad.

The New Year rang in with great promise.  I made a few resolutions.  One was to blog more.

I didn’t take into account that I’m not very good at resolutions.  Hmm.

I probably shouldn’t say that.  I actually kept my last year’s resolution until into 2010.  I decided to give up potato chips.  That’s tough for someone like me—kind of like telling an alcoholic they have to drink their coke plain.

Difficult, but doable.

And I did it.

One full year (plus a few weeks) of absolutely no “junk food.”  No chips, no Doritos, no “orange curls” (that’s what my grandpa calls cheezies—I just love that name, it’s grown on me.).

 It was a great year. 

Yes, I still had plenty of mood swings (I blame it on the caffeine I became addicted to in order to replace the salty-food cravings), and I rediscovered my love of popcorn (that’s OK because it’s air-popped, or so I keep telling myself...), but when you give something up that has played a crucial part in your life for so long (yes, my depression loved Doritos), it eventually comes back to bite you in the donkey.   (It also adds mass to that general area, as well as the tummy...if only my chest got more of the attention and my thighs a little less...)

I think that’s how I feel about my love of acting.  Whether I’m even any good or suck beyond words, it’s something I love doing.  There are few things in my life about which I could actually say, “If I had to spend the rest of my life doing only three things, this would be one of them.” (kind of like if I had to eat one food for the rest of my life, it would inevitably be potatoes.  They’re just so yummy!  You can keep your yams and sweet potatoes, I’ll take a nice Baker or Yukon any day! (again, another reason I might have an ample tummy...))

 I live to create.

It’s just that simple.

I think because I have given acting up for so long, now that I have the opportunity to try to get back into, it’s killing me that I’m finding so much opposition.  It’s not even auditions that are holding me back—it’s the cruel, real life scenario of being friends with the director.  I’m not, and I’m a friendly person (most days—again, I blame the caffeine...).  Is that what it’s all become?  The only way to do what you love, whether it’s going to change people’s lives or just be a few minutes of crap, is to know the right people?

Don’t answer that.

I already know the answer.  Since I’m almost 30, you would think I would have figured that one out by now. 

Really, I’ve always known it, but I just blame my naiveté on the caffeine...
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