I am trying to decide how to word this delicately.

Fan-haters, you suck.

Probably not the most diplomatic, I know, but I am wondering if it even matters?  Would they respond to anything other than hostility?

A horrible realization has come upon me: people are awful.  They don’t like middle ground, they don’t like to “give stuff a chance.”  It’s either take it or leave it.

No, scratch that.  It’s never leave it.  It’s destroy it and pour hate and anger over it until there are no remnants of anything tangible remaining.

I mentioned vampires in my comedy writing class on Friday.  Apparently that was a mistake.

Immediately, an onslaught of negativity spewed forth from a classmate’s mouth.  Followed by vile words oozing out of another’s.

OK, you don’t like vampires, that’s cool.  No worries.

[insert record scratch here]

What??!!  You do like vampires?  Oh, you just don’t like Twilight and Vampire Diaries’ vampires?  No worries, that’s totally fine.

Why not?

Because they sparkle in the sun.  Because they’re good looking and vampires shouldn’t be.  That’s what you say, but really it’s because millions (yes you read that right--millions!!! (there are so many that they deserve not one, but 3 exclamation points)) of people, primarily young girls, like them.

People don’t like the movie Twilight.  No worries, it was based on a book, and the book was sooo much better than the movie (I almost called it a film, but I would probably get shot by film-fanatics for using that term on a franchise).  You should read the book.

What’s that?  You won’t because they were written by a Mormon and what could she possibly know about vampires?  Good question.  What did H.G. Wells know about time travel when he wrote The Time Machine?  Was Middle Earth on a map when Tolkien wrote The Hobbit?  Do you really believe that Stephen King’s life is as horrific as his novels? (If it was, he wouldn’t have any friends, and I’m pretty sure he has friends)

It’s called imagination.  That’s why these people are writers.  They have imagination and stories that they make up.  They create their own universes with their own rules.  That means that not every vampire can’t stand garlic or that werewolves can only be killed with silver bullets.  Not all monsters hide under beds and some witches will never die, no matter how many buckets of water you throw on them.

But alas, I’ve digressed.  Forgive me?  I’ll get back to my point.

Fan-haters, you suck.

(OK, back on track now)

Just because something has a following, people immediately feel the need to not only hate it, but to flagrantly and very publicly bash it.  

You don’t like it?  Fine, but leave it at that.
·         Is it really necessary to call Star Trek fans Trekkies?  Most of them are actually Trekkers and find the term Trekkies offensive.  (By the way, have you ever even seen one of the movies or TV episodes?  No?  Give it a try, you might even like it.  Might I recommend the original movies, with the exception of the first one, Star Trek: The Motion Picture?  That one was just too long and boring, but II through VI are fantastic.)

·         So you’re not a Star Wars fan, let it go.  No one is forcing you to enjoy it.  Let the people who base their lives around the force live their lives—they are their lives, not yours.  Leave it alone.

·         You know when you call wrestling rastling, it just shows how ignorant you are (yes, I am even speaking to one of my former instructors).  It’s not real?   Just because something is scripted, doesn’t mean that the people who make it happen aren’t really doing it.  For real.  Really.  They are.  And they’re good at it.  Do you have the physical stamina to do what they do?  Be on the road more than 300 days a year and perform intense physical stunts several nights a week?  If you can’t do it, then maybe you shouldn’t bash it.

·         Oh you TwiHard-Haters.  Read the books (they are such easy reads, I promise they go down really easy).  Still don’t like ‘em?  No worries.  You’ve gone and done your part.  You’re “educated,” and are now at liberty to bash away.  Refuse to read ‘em?  Also cool, but then zip those lips.  Just because your girlfriend says Twilight is all about celibacy and is therefore crap, fine—let her think that.  She’s taken time to read some of the novels (it’s actually not at all about celibacy, just fyi), you haven’t.  Again, keep quiet.

Is it really so bad that other people like something you don’t like?  Let them have it.  You like things other people don’t care for.

Your thoughts, your opinions; their thoughts, their opinions.

(I am trying to think of a catchy slogan to finish off with here.  I’m in advertising, you’d think it would be easy.  Learn so you can discern?  Lame-o.  Take time to read, before on people’s likes you’ve peed?  Um, maybe not (although it does make for a catchy title.  Nice.).  Get educated lest dreams get fornicated?  Still not quite what I’m looking for, but it’ll work for now.)

So take that, you fan-haters, you: Get educated lest dreams get fornicated!  

Now go hate something worth hating.  Like war.  Or child poverty.  Or Britney Spears.

Kyle Friesen
12/6/2009 03:25:56 am

Nice article, Rachel - it caught my eye on facebook. I think people aren't so much awful as they are terribly and comfortably ignorant, and insecure. Bashing other people builds them up in their own minds. At the same time, I do sometimes pity fanboys/girls, too (does that make me arrogant?) - mainly when their identity depends on their fantasy world and they try to be like the fake world. I love the Star Wars universe and enjoy the occasional Trek, but the trick is to actually have a life separate from all that, which can be difficult when life is tough.

12/13/2009 02:15:01 pm


But seriously, "take time to read before on people's likes you've peed"?


12/26/2009 06:56:55 am

Well, I guess I'm one of those fan-haters...because gosh do I ever hate Twilight. Really. I do.

I bought the book, eager to read it and get on board the Twilight train before the first movie came out. I was severely underwhelmed, and couldn't get passed how unbearable Bella (whiney, gag-inducing, and frankly punchable!) was. Then I saw the movie. I woke up for a few minutes when they played baseball, but then fell right back asleep. The friend I went with even said, 2 hours in: "Is something going to f*&!ing happen soon? Is this s@#$ over yet?"

Then I saw New Moon, with you actually (!), and it just didn't get better. I like Jacob, but not enough to sit through another viewing, parts 3 OR 4, or even any of the other books.

Perhaps it's just that Edward Cullen reeks of sissy, or that Rob P's hair frightens me, or that they are the lamest vampires I've ever heard of, or maybe that Kristen Stewart is the worst actress on the face of the planet (at least in these flicks)...or perhaps it's the literal swarms of teenage Twilight twits that would willingly behead their own grandmothers if RPatz would ask them the time. I don't know. I just know that I don't like it.

It's not vampire themes in general (I enjoy True Blood, and dug Buffy way before it was fashionable to do so), just this series. You've said that the haters never seem able to give a good reason for why they hate something; I counter with the fact that the fans (derived from the word fanatic by the way) have never given me a reason NOT to hate Twilight.

Does this mean we can't be friends anymore? lol

P.S: Twilight is really my only greivance. I feel bad for some of those poor Trekkers, so judged. One day, if we don't blow our planet up, we'll have spaceships and junk and people will be like "hey, remember when this was all just a joke? Ha! Joke's on them!". I'm rooting for a Star Trek 12 (slash the new 2)


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