Tonight I had the opportunity to cover a Manitoba Moose game.  It was my first real sports story where I actually covered sports, not just wrote a human interest piece while at a sports game.

The goal was to write something clever and creative, using a unique voice.  I'm not sure how unique my voice ended up being, but I must say that having spent the last year reading and writing romance novels, it definitely rubbed off.  A lot.

The following is my submitted story:

Moose hockey: easy cum, easy go

The Manitoba Moose aroused a crowd of 6,374 fans early on Tuesday night with a hard, fast goal, but played a limp second period and just couldn’t keep it up for an unsatisfying third period giving them a 5-2 loss to Massachusetts’ Worcester Sharks.

Like an eager young man having his first sexual experience, the Moose came early with a goal at the 29-second mark.  Manitoba born Marty Murray pumped his way into action with an assist by Matt Pettinger within the first minute, and the momentum of their solid penetration of the net lasted until 5:14 into the second period when the Sharks tied it up.  Dwight Helminen would force himself onto the score board, followed by Matt Jones just two and a quarter minutes later.

With the Sharks up by two, the Moose needed to get in on some of the action, but just couldn’t live up to the throbbing man pile that erupted at 17:13 of the first period after Sharks’ centre Andrew Desjardins took two minutes for roughing and 10 more for misconduct.

To further establish their domination on the slick ice that yearned for action most of the second period, the Sharks overwhelmed Moose tender Daren Machesney with thrust after thrust as the puck glided into the heated core of the net throughout the third.  With Ryan Vesce and Jason Demers assisting, T.J. Trevelyan injected the puck at 1:30 of the third, followed by Vesce at 5:46 with a little help from Logan Couture and Derek Joslin, and finally a commanding demonstration of manhood by Dan DaSilva with John McCarthy at 7:58.

Sharks goalkeeper Alex Stalock would only let the slippery little sucker right on through past the contraceptives of his thick, developed padding one more time when, trying to retain some dignity on the home ice, Murray helped Travis Ramsey slide one last goal in at 14:29 of the third, but alas it was too little too late.

Goaltender and fan favourite Cory Schneider said, “I’ve been here all year helping the team win and I’m going to finish the year helping them win.”  And with 45 games played over Machesney’s 18, his experience might have come in handy, had the hardness of his stick been used rather than watching the affair unfold from a cold, lonely bench. 

The Moose came up short, suffering from an obvious case of stick-envy, as they were outshot 43-29 on the second of two host games with Worcester.

So I must say, it was an awesome, awesome experience, getting to sit up in the press box, having free soda (it was free, right?  Bcos I just took some like all the other big journalists did...), and getting just all-around awesome treatment.

I will say this, however.  For sports fanatics, the sports men I spent the evening with have terrible aim.  I get that they aren't used to having women use the shared restrooms, so no major qualms keeping the seat up (I have two working hands, I can put it down if you don't), but dude, aim for the inside of the bowl. 


Just gross.

My grandma had a picture of a toilet in her bathroom with a message that read,

"We aim to please.
You aim too, please."

I think they need something like that up in the press box.  Or at least give them another trough...

Leave a Reply.