Tonight I had the opportunity to cover a Manitoba Moose game.  It was my first real sports story where I actually covered sports, not just wrote a human interest piece while at a sports game.

The goal was to write something clever and creative, using a unique voice.  I'm not sure how unique my voice ended up being, but I must say that having spent the last year reading and writing romance novels, it definitely rubbed off.  A lot.

The following is my submitted story:

Moose hockey: easy cum, easy go

The Manitoba Moose aroused a crowd of 6,374 fans early on Tuesday night with a hard, fast goal, but played a limp second period and just couldn’t keep it up for an unsatisfying third period giving them a 5-2 loss to Massachusetts’ Worcester Sharks.

Like an eager young man having his first sexual experience, the Moose came early with a goal at the 29-second mark.  Manitoba born Marty Murray pumped his way into action with an assist by Matt Pettinger within the first minute, and the momentum of their solid penetration of the net lasted until 5:14 into the second period when the Sharks tied it up.  Dwight Helminen would force himself onto the score board, followed by Matt Jones just two and a quarter minutes later.

With the Sharks up by two, the Moose needed to get in on some of the action, but just couldn’t live up to the throbbing man pile that erupted at 17:13 of the first period after Sharks’ centre Andrew Desjardins took two minutes for roughing and 10 more for misconduct.

To further establish their domination on the slick ice that yearned for action most of the second period, the Sharks overwhelmed Moose tender Daren Machesney with thrust after thrust as the puck glided into the heated core of the net throughout the third.  With Ryan Vesce and Jason Demers assisting, T.J. Trevelyan injected the puck at 1:30 of the third, followed by Vesce at 5:46 with a little help from Logan Couture and Derek Joslin, and finally a commanding demonstration of manhood by Dan DaSilva with John McCarthy at 7:58.

Sharks goalkeeper Alex Stalock would only let the slippery little sucker right on through past the contraceptives of his thick, developed padding one more time when, trying to retain some dignity on the home ice, Murray helped Travis Ramsey slide one last goal in at 14:29 of the third, but alas it was too little too late.

Goaltender and fan favourite Cory Schneider said, “I’ve been here all year helping the team win and I’m going to finish the year helping them win.”  And with 45 games played over Machesney’s 18, his experience might have come in handy, had the hardness of his stick been used rather than watching the affair unfold from a cold, lonely bench. 

The Moose came up short, suffering from an obvious case of stick-envy, as they were outshot 43-29 on the second of two host games with Worcester.


***
So I must say, it was an awesome, awesome experience, getting to sit up in the press box, having free soda (it was free, right?  Bcos I just took some like all the other big journalists did...), and getting just all-around awesome treatment.

I will say this, however.  For sports fanatics, the sports men I spent the evening with have terrible aim.  I get that they aren't used to having women use the shared restrooms, so no major qualms keeping the seat up (I have two working hands, I can put it down if you don't), but dude, aim for the inside of the bowl. 

Seriously.

Just gross.

My grandma had a picture of a toilet in her bathroom with a message that read,

"We aim to please.
You aim too, please."

I think they need something like that up in the press box.  Or at least give them another trough...

I have spent a lot of time lately considering my resume.  Now that I am on the cusp of graduation, I need to consider my career options.

I have certainly obtained plenty of skills whilst I’ve been a student, plenty of skills that could get me any number of jobs. 

But that got me thinking.

What would be skills resume look like according to Facebook?

I am an expert farmer, excelling in harvesting crops like soybeans, artichokes, watermelon and potatoes, to mention a few. 

I have a keen ability to monitor the well-being of numerous forms of livestock (just call me Captain Agriculture!), including wild turkeys, turtles, goats, rabbits, penguins, ducks, geese, horses, sheep, reindeer, and a variety of cows (chocolate milk cows, strawberry milk cows, alien cows—yes, I can hear a certain farm girl (Ashlee) groaning at me right now).  I have even birthed several calves. 

Wow, I’m pretty impressive.

I haven’t even mentioned all the time I spend working on my trees.  I am quite the arborist, too.

But I don’t just have experience farming, I am also an archaeologist.  In fact I have secured more than 80 items with various museums around the world.

Alas, I have truly become a world traveler.

I have raced environmentally friendly cars, accumulating carbon credits to help stop global warming (lil Eco Racer).

My efforts gardening have saved hundreds of acres of rainforest (lil Green Patch).

Did I mention I am also an event organizer? A drug dealer (thank you, Dope Wars), wanted by the police (again, thank you Dope Wars), a jewel specialist (Bejeweled Blitz), a marine biologist (lil Blue Cove)?

I am also a regular supporter of events and causes, a fan of numerous types of pop culture (ie. Kenny vs. Spenny and Bjork), and an everyday activist for environmental issues.

Personal development is something I am very passionate about, as is evident by the number of personality profile quizzes I have taken:

-my ideal city is Seattle (no wonder I set my book there!)

-if I were a martial art, I would be Taekwondo (even though I personally prefer and am more active in Judo)

-if I were a Bible character, I would be David

-compare yourself to a dog?  I am a loveable and loyal golden retriever


Even my journalism skills have been called into use on Facebook as I write reviews on movies I have seen.  Sure, they  might only be 18 words long, but that in itself is an art!

Yeesh!  I am overwhelmed just thinking about all of my Facebook accomplishments.  And even with that in mind, I know that I have missed things.

Things like being an excellent communicator (instant messaging), creatively observant (commenting on people’s photos), and personable (199 friends and counting).

Yes, Facebook, you have changed my life.

You’ve made me a better person.

You’ve helped my achieve so much in my life.

All I have to do now is leave the computer and actually do some of these things for real.But hey, if I put any of my FB skills on my real resume, at least I know I’m not lying, and something’s got to be said for integrity, right?

In a recent Creative Writing class, we did a few exercises on character development.  We were to compose a list of questions that we would ask characters, supposing they were real people.

My list included things like favourite hot beverage; paper, plastic, or cloth bags; and favourite author, to name a few.

Part two of the exercise was to turn to a classmate and interview them, using primarily the made-up questions.

Next we each received a random photo taken off the internet.  There was no rhyme of reason, just a bunch of pics given to whomever came next alphabetically.

(and I’ll be honest—I soooo got one of the better photos)

The last step was to write our new characters (a.k.a. fellow students whom we’d just interviewed) into these photos in a single scene. 

So Jarrett Moffatt, here’s to you:


Rufus folded over in a coughing spasm as he tried to catch his breath, his knees crushing the freshly bought danishes in the cloth bag, his copy of the New York Times sprawled across the sidewalk.  He’d missed the bus.  Again.  Maybe it was a good thing his desserts were now a heap of pastry and icing.  He was out of shape, despite his lanky physique, and couldn’t run to save his life.  Or catch a bus.

Rufus slowly stood up and examined the damage.  Yup, they were crushed.  Those sweet, innocent cherry and cream cheese delights.  The swirl of colours looked like the desserts had just been through war, bleeding a delicious cherry flavoured blood.  Of course Rufus would still eat them.  What?  He’d paid good money for them.  And it’s not like they were really bleeding, that’s just gross.  Of course if something could bleed chocolate...  Hmm.  He’d have to pick up a hot chocolate now, too.

No, dammit, no time.  At least his MACbook was OK.  That was all that mattered.  So he’d be late—what else was new?

Rufus’ stomach grumbled.   He should eat.  No, he should get home.  He needed to take his turtles to the vet.  Michelangelo and Donatello.  Don’t ask.  If only turtles didn’t live as long as they did—then he wouldn’t be reminded of the foolishness of his childhood passions.  Well, OK, maybe they weren’t that foolish.  Come on, it’s pretty funny.  Even if they don’t like pizza, they’re still alright.

Whatever.  Enough, no time to be stupid.

Rufus hoisted up his shoulder bag, making himself more comfortable as he began the long trek home.  Suddenly he felt like Tom Joad having just left prison, making the journey home.  Tom Joad.  From the Grapes of Wrath.  Mmm, grapes.

I am finding it quite exhilarating to accomplish things. 

Knowing how close I am to the end of school?  Exhilarating.

Keeping in contact with really good connections?  Exhilarating.

Sticking with some (I can’t say all, but I’m definitely getting better!) of my New Year’s resolutions?  Exhilarating.

So far, now that a month has passed us, this year is going well.  Yes, bad days are still a regular occurrence, but it all depends on attitude.  I’m finding that the days that are the lousiest are the days I’m not starting my day off well.  The days that are going well?  I think it’s safe to say that I am doing something right.

My ideal morning starts:

·      a bit of time in devotion or prayer to prepare for everything that’s coming

·      a good, quick breakfast of complex carbs (like cereal, oatmeal, or a granola bar)

·      a workout inevitably follows. 

o   I do circuit training on Monday, Wednesday and Friday followed by some cardio and a really good yoga stretch and

o   Tuesday and Thursday are pure cardio, again with the amazing yoga stretch.  It totally makes a difference

o   Saturday/Sunday are family days—stretching, walking, playing games, whatever—something fun with family involvement

·      my day can’t continue without something more substantial in my belly—primarily yogurt and some fruit.  (I need to replenish with protein or I’d never survive the morning)

·      then there’s class or life or whatever!

 

It sounds like a lot has happened by the time 9am rolls around, and yes it has.

Do I enjoy getting up around 6am?  Not always, but it’s working.  At least on the days I maintain my routine.  I even like being the only girl working out with all the guys at the school gym most days.  That, too, is exhilarating.  Just don’t tell my husband… ;)

I am trying to decide how to word this delicately.

Fan-haters, you suck.

Probably not the most diplomatic, I know, but I am wondering if it even matters?  Would they respond to anything other than hostility?

A horrible realization has come upon me: people are awful.  They don’t like middle ground, they don’t like to “give stuff a chance.”  It’s either take it or leave it.

No, scratch that.  It’s never leave it.  It’s destroy it and pour hate and anger over it until there are no remnants of anything tangible remaining.

I mentioned vampires in my comedy writing class on Friday.  Apparently that was a mistake.

Immediately, an onslaught of negativity spewed forth from a classmate’s mouth.  Followed by vile words oozing out of another’s.

OK, you don’t like vampires, that’s cool.  No worries.

[insert record scratch here]

What??!!  You do like vampires?  Oh, you just don’t like Twilight and Vampire Diaries’ vampires?  No worries, that’s totally fine.

Why not?

Because they sparkle in the sun.  Because they’re good looking and vampires shouldn’t be.  That’s what you say, but really it’s because millions (yes you read that right--millions!!! (there are so many that they deserve not one, but 3 exclamation points)) of people, primarily young girls, like them.

People don’t like the movie Twilight.  No worries, it was based on a book, and the book was sooo much better than the movie (I almost called it a film, but I would probably get shot by film-fanatics for using that term on a franchise).  You should read the book.

What’s that?  You won’t because they were written by a Mormon and what could she possibly know about vampires?  Good question.  What did H.G. Wells know about time travel when he wrote The Time Machine?  Was Middle Earth on a map when Tolkien wrote The Hobbit?  Do you really believe that Stephen King’s life is as horrific as his novels? (If it was, he wouldn’t have any friends, and I’m pretty sure he has friends)

It’s called imagination.  That’s why these people are writers.  They have imagination and stories that they make up.  They create their own universes with their own rules.  That means that not every vampire can’t stand garlic or that werewolves can only be killed with silver bullets.  Not all monsters hide under beds and some witches will never die, no matter how many buckets of water you throw on them.

But alas, I’ve digressed.  Forgive me?  I’ll get back to my point.

Fan-haters, you suck.

(OK, back on track now)

Just because something has a following, people immediately feel the need to not only hate it, but to flagrantly and very publicly bash it.  

You don’t like it?  Fine, but leave it at that.
  
·         Is it really necessary to call Star Trek fans Trekkies?  Most of them are actually Trekkers and find the term Trekkies offensive.  (By the way, have you ever even seen one of the movies or TV episodes?  No?  Give it a try, you might even like it.  Might I recommend the original movies, with the exception of the first one, Star Trek: The Motion Picture?  That one was just too long and boring, but II through VI are fantastic.)

·         So you’re not a Star Wars fan, let it go.  No one is forcing you to enjoy it.  Let the people who base their lives around the force live their lives—they are their lives, not yours.  Leave it alone.

·         You know when you call wrestling rastling, it just shows how ignorant you are (yes, I am even speaking to one of my former instructors).  It’s not real?   Just because something is scripted, doesn’t mean that the people who make it happen aren’t really doing it.  For real.  Really.  They are.  And they’re good at it.  Do you have the physical stamina to do what they do?  Be on the road more than 300 days a year and perform intense physical stunts several nights a week?  If you can’t do it, then maybe you shouldn’t bash it.

·         Oh you TwiHard-Haters.  Read the books (they are such easy reads, I promise they go down really easy).  Still don’t like ‘em?  No worries.  You’ve gone and done your part.  You’re “educated,” and are now at liberty to bash away.  Refuse to read ‘em?  Also cool, but then zip those lips.  Just because your girlfriend says Twilight is all about celibacy and is therefore crap, fine—let her think that.  She’s taken time to read some of the novels (it’s actually not at all about celibacy, just fyi), you haven’t.  Again, keep quiet.

Is it really so bad that other people like something you don’t like?  Let them have it.  You like things other people don’t care for.

Your thoughts, your opinions; their thoughts, their opinions.

(I am trying to think of a catchy slogan to finish off with here.  I’m in advertising, you’d think it would be easy.  Learn so you can discern?  Lame-o.  Take time to read, before on people’s likes you’ve peed?  Um, maybe not (although it does make for a catchy title.  Nice.).  Get educated lest dreams get fornicated?  Still not quite what I’m looking for, but it’ll work for now.)

So take that, you fan-haters, you: Get educated lest dreams get fornicated!  

Now go hate something worth hating.  Like war.  Or child poverty.  Or Britney Spears.

 

I made a mistake.  A big one.  One I knew I was making, but still I just couldn't help myself.

Last week, I went and saw the Twilight sequel, New Moon.

You're probably thinking, "Wow, it must have been really bad if she regrets it so much."

That's the problem--it wasn't.

I am a big fan of the books--they're really great, well-written, such an easy read (I should know, I've read all 4 twice in under a week (the second time it was actually only 3 days)), but I knew New Moon was the hardest read.  It's so emotional, filled with pain and heartbreak; something I could relate to.  I can still remember crying, feeling the pain in my heart that Bella feels, understanding the frozen state of being she walks around in.  Heartbreak hurts, this I know.  And so I understand it a little too well and empathize with it even more so. Call me an empath, if you will, because I pick up others emotions far too easily and make them my own.

My world is so busy right now, crowded with life and assignments beyond belief, and I knew that if I went and saw the film, I would inevitably feel her pain.  It would, of course, put me at risk of not being able to do my own work and focus on my own life knowing that someone, albeit someone fictional, was in so much pain.

I decided I would wait until my Christmas break started.

I failed.  I went and saw it anyway.

And I loved it.  Which presents me with my next problem--now I am ready to go back and read the books. 

Again. 

I know that when I break them out, I literally do nothing but read for 3 or 4 days.  I can't afford the time now, but still it makes it difficult, knowing they are there and I long to read them so much.  (I've already asked my husband not to hide them, promising him self-control this time, but I'm thinking him hiding them might not be such a bad thing.  Of course, the last time he hid them I wasn't overly happy about it; but then he did do it without telling me).

But as it's been a few days now, I might actually be able to get through the last few weeks without breaking down and reading them.  Although, everytime I listen to the soundtrack or hear tunes from the first album, my self-control starts to waver.

Luckily, I requested a copy of Dead Until Dark, the first of the Sookie Stackhouse/True Blood novels, from the library not expecting it until Christmas.  And what a surprise it showed up early. 

As in Friday.

Sadly, I'm almost done.  I've found a new distraction.

But hey, at least it's not Twilight!

I am calling it my Holiday To-Do, not because I don't believe in Christmas (I super believe in Christmas), but I don't have much left to do for Christmas.  80% of my gifts are bought, more than half are wrapped, so Christmas is good.  What I'm talking about is what I am going to do on my holidays.  I'm so excited!

Hmm, where to begin.

• My amazingly awesome friend Ashlee is going to lend me her True Blood books, so I'll be reading those
• I am going to reread the Twilight series (nothing like a third time through--that should take all of 3 days)
• I will have to see New Moon again (so good)
• I want to make my grandpa a calendar filled with bible verses and family photos--just the things he loves!
• Also, I want to buy my grandpa a bottle of Anacin.  I like to get him things he can use.  Last year I got him toilet paper, and for his birthday he got a bag of "orange cheese curls," or more commonly known as Cheezies.  He loves them (they're nice and soft on his false teeth)
• I want to spend some time volunteering at a soup kitchen with my daughter
• I'm going to get all the XBOX achievements in Lego Batman for my hubby, Ryan
• I would like to make a few things for my parents for Christmas
• Maybe do some baking (probably not though--it's just nice to think about; I totally don't need the extra calories)
• I wouldn't mind making perogies or can homemade pasta sauce (I make an awesome sauce--amazing!)
  
• Get back into my calorie-counting routine (I stopped while in school, it was just too intense.  Besides, how can I focus on math when I'm trying to be creative??!!)
• Do a super-thorough house clean (dusting EVERYWHERE)
• Go through Leah's clothes and donate what doesn't fit her anymore
• Go though my clothes and donate what doesn't fit anymore (including the pants I am wearing today--they're so big, but so comfy!  (WARNING: Shameless plug ahead)  Thank you, Old Navy, for regularly making awesome clothes that I can keep affording to replace)
• I wouldn't mind making some CDs (or DVDs or whatever--as long as my car will play 'em, I'll make 'em.  I know DVDs have more room, and my stereo does play MP3s and WMA CDs, so we'll see, maybe it will play an MP3 DVD?  Long shot, but you know...)
• I want to make that amazingly good free-range chicken in the freezer
• I would like to send out Christmas cards this year (I still have the stamps from last year)
• Having the killer-hot Kerilee and her honey Scott over for dinner and games would be great, too
• Um, get pregnant?  Ya, that could be fun...Even if we just practice...
  
• Get back into my regular exercise routine
• Surpass Keane on XBOX achievements (again for Ryan--I don't play under my own account)
• Write another draft of my e-Harlequin
• Finish the first draft of my full-length play
• Start the second draft of my full-length play
• Re-organize my office
  

I totally know that I am missing things that I want to do.  Of course, I also know that the chances of me getting everything on this list done aren't that great.  I like to over plan and set the bar really high, which sucks, because disappointment often follows. 

But hey, if I can do even 3 things over my 3 week holiday, then I've done well, and that will make me happy. 

So take that, Disappointment!  And if you're not down with that, then I got two words for you...(If you are a wrestling fan (DX), then you will know what those two words are, if not, well, then I've got two different words for you: too bad!)

These past few weeks, I have done sooo much personal branding.  It's interesting, because you think you know who you are, but in the end you have absolutely no idea.  Or maybe that's just me?

I know where I came from.

I kind of know where I am right now.

But where am I going?  Haven't got a clue.  Mostly.

Sometimes a map would be nice.  Something to say, "you need to do this, and go here and do that."  But at the end of the day, do I actually want to be told what to do? 

It looks good on paper. 

But I know me--I'm a free spirit, and as my mom always said, "You'll just do whatever it is you want, anyway, Rachel." 

Huh. 

I guess you were right, Mom.

That's always an odd moment--kind of surreal and scary even--discovering that your parents actually knew what they were talking about.  So weird.

I read somewhere that your teens are where you become you. Your 20s are where you discover just who you are.  Your 30s are where you accept who you are.  By your 40s, you've finally grasped that it doesn't really matter--life's too short, so you just live and enjoy it.

I'm quite a long ways from 40, so in the meantime, I still care.  I've got 2 years before my "acceptance stage," so I guess that's something to look forward to.  It's just going to be difficult to accept what you're not really sure about.

But on the plus side, I do still have 2 years to figure out who I am.

Hmm.  Maybe a map wouldn't be so bad afterall.